25 things

I've wanted to do this for a while but I kept forgetting, so here is something I wrote and its pretty funny.
Here are some RANDOM facts...
1. I am watching Charlote's Web...the 197something version for the first time as I am writing this....quite entertaining :o)
2. I had to turn off the computer because I could not do three things at a time...watch the movie, my beautiful daughter and write!
3. Blue used to be my favorite color...now I just can't pick.
4. I started taking piano lessons when I was five, I wanted to quit when I was about twelve but I was not let to do so until I was old enough for voice lessons...seventeen. Then I took more piano lessons on my own free will when I was in college.
5. I wanted to be a plastic surgeon growing up but my music teacher told me I was going to be a musician. When that was proven true I did not want to admit it to her :o)
6. I DISLIKE small talk...but I have to admit that I have been a student of it for the last 10 years...still not super with it
7. I had to learn how to make friends when I was 18 years old and like #6 I am still learning...definately not a pro!
8. Nursing hurt MORE than labor and recovering (physically) from a c-section, however it has turned into one of my most intense joys. Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.
9. Stephen proposed after we dated for 4 weeks and got married 7 months later.
10. I am not an opinionated person until I form an opinion based on facts. The only way to change my opinion would be to present powerful, convincing arguments against it...and then I may chose to not change my opinion. (it is an opinion after all)
11. I wanted to be a singer in order to tell stories...that's why I really like opera.
12. I am very dramatic in my reactions and my daughter has taken after me...oops
13. Even though I've wanted to be a singer there is a host of other things that I dream to be able to do one day...write, go to cooking school, teach God's word, become a lactation consultant, take painting classes, learn basic techniques in ballet dancing...I can't remember the rest :o)
14. I think sleep is overrated unless I haven't had my 8 hours.
15 My favorite physical activities are swimming and dancing.
16. I really like salt water (like Ariel's daughter) but I only like swimming in Greek peaceful waters.
17. I really enjoy cooking, baking...anything that I get to use the stove and oven.
18. I like looking up new recipes and getting ideas for my next cooking adventure. (I can relate a little to the No Reservations lady)
19. When my mom would ask me to clean out my closet every time she would find me surrounded with stuff...reading something that I found while I was cleaning out the closet
20. One of my favorite stories to share when parents tell me their children do not like to practice piano is when I got so frustrated with one piece that I tore the piano book in half. My mom made me get some tape and put it back together. When I was done she told me to put it on the piano and keep practicing :o) We still have that book at home...my sister had it after me and is a constant reminder of the unwavering character my mom possesses.
21. I process things very very slow and silently...and sometimes I make decisions in split seconds.
22. I really, really, really like Disneyland.
23. I enjoy going to museums and beautiful landscaped gardens...I like to get out even though I do spend most of my time indoors.
24. I have always preferred salty foods over sweet desserts and yet since I got pregnant my hormones have taken a loop and now give me chocolate any day...HELP!
25. I really enjoy entertaining in our home even though we have done it minimal to none since we moved to this new home! I better get crackin...

Stop and Smell the Roses

When I first had my baby I could not believe how it slowed everything down (yes it was busy) but nursing would take 40 minutes!!! Then we could go outside and it took a long time to lift the carseat and put it on the stroller. Then she did not need the carseat which sped things up a bit and I would practically run through the stores to get everything done. And now she can walk! And life is still slow because she wants to stop and look at the flowers! I kept telling her today 'ok let's go' but then I thought 'why not stop and smell the roses?' Life is short and a little child's curiosity for life is invigorating, it may take a little longer to get to the destination...some things may not get done but I do not want to rush and not have a chance to watch my daughter discover the world around her. I have a tendency to look at the world sometimes with the eyes that see how the world is fallen but, the world that she sees is what God created: beautiful with flowers, trees, rocks and dried leaves...that is what she sees and that is what I want to see, the good and the beautiful...what God has created.

Camera Eyes

Science Fiction...not necessarily my cup of tea. However, I had this crazy science fictiony idea of my eyes somehow being a camera and I have two buttons one on the right temple for pictures and on the left for video. Having that ability I would be able to capture countless moments that by the time I grab my camera has been long gone! I will describe some of them...Yesterday as we were in Disneyland GZ left my hand and walked under Cyndi's legs to go hang out with her cousin CR. Later the same day during dinner GZ was holdig the fork stabbed her pizza and then brought the fork to the mouth and fed herself from beginning to end (of the process...the rest of the food was consumed with the old fashined way: fingers) Another one was this morning when I went up the stairs and called GZ to follow me and turn around and see her lifting her little baby stroller trying to take it up the stairs (she wanted to bring it up with her) Later the same morning she was taking her stroller back and forth pausing in front of me and talking talking talking and looking at me turning her head one way and the other using her whole boy to communicate!!! So adorable...so these are the I wish I had camera eyes moments

Rolling Pin

So this morning I used (I have been using it for the last 3 years or so)my 'high tech' rolling pin the way my grandma used her 'old fashioned' wooden pin. Suddenly by accident I used it the way it was created and intended to be used. Wow so much easier than any rolling I have ever done before! Is not life like my rolling pin? God has a great and unique design for every person and many times we try to do it our way...the way we have seen those who have gone before us do it and yet we spend so much time trying to get the job done. Like me with the rolling pin, sometimes we do not mind the hard work because that is how we saw it getting done before...we think the hard work comes with the territory. Hopefully we can turn to God, the one who designed our life, and seek for HELP* in walking through it in the best way possible. Moreover, hopefully we can do it before we have lived the majority of our life doing it our way and discover 'by accident' the way things were designed to work in our life.
The first step is super easy just asking the Lord to be the the Lord and Savior of our life...Then we have to read His word to help us find the answers to how our life was designed to work and then allow the Holy Spirit of God breathe life and make the principles we learn applicable to our specific situation. Truly the only thing in life that is not rocket science :o)

* HELP: our pastor has been teaching about primal prayers, as he calls them. This Sunday he spoke from 2 Chronicles 14, 15, 16 on the life of Asa. His prayer that can be used as an example for our own prayers is when his 500,000 'primitive' army was faced with 1,000,000 'high tech' army. He CRIED OUT to the Lord for HELP acknowledging that he just did not had what it took to face his enemy. HELP LORD is enough!

The Spirit is Willing but the Flesh is Weak

Yep another one of my random thoughts! This morning I picked up Gabriela Zoe and she had her bobo...a.k.a. pacifier in her mouth. Now for several months I have been trying to teach her that if she wants to eat she has to take her bobo out herself. This morning she was the cutest thing to watch...she wanted to nurse...but she did not want to stop sucking on her bobo! She looked so torn as she was pulling her bobo out of her mouth but her tongue would not let go of her bobo!!! :o) That made me think of how many times there are things I know I have to let go in order to have the promised blessings and yet even though I try there is the other part of me that is still holding on. Eventually her desire to eat overcame the sucking desire and she pulled the bobo out of her mouth triumphantly. I pray that always my desire to do what pleases my father will always overcome my flesh!

Gabriela Zoe;s Birth Story

My Sweet dear girl, I want to share with you your birth story and the little miracles God allowed us to experience including you :o)
The labor part started on Saturday night when I lost the mucus plug, so Sunday morning we headed straight to the hospital with yiayia, papou and Vasilia Luz. There they checked me and saw that I was maybe 1 centimeter dilated, they heard your heartbeat and since everything looked good they sent me home...I had not felt any contractions yet.
After that we went to church...for the end of the service and to see your daddy who was working. After that we headed out to Fontana at your grandparent's home where your second baby shower took place. There were some relative that were betting we were not going to make it to the shower but there we were! It was a very fun shower that your auntie Jodi planned and daddy had other guys there...it was a combined baby shower...I really liked it! I also like the part that all four of your grandparents were there. People tried to guess your name through a game and actually your aunt Kristin is the only one who guessed your whole name right 'Gabriela Zoe'!!! How awesome..we awarded however the name GiZeLe because it was spelling out your initials and that was uncle Bill and MaryAnne wrote down.
Monday morning we decided to go shopping so our first stop was Ross, your greek family's favorite american store ;o) My contractions started there at 11 a.m.! It must have been really funny for people to see me pacing back and forth breathing. but I was in labor and happy. After that papou and giagia were thinking that we should go home...but I said if she is coming today I have to go to Babies r Us and get a few things I know I'll need....I don't remember at all what those things were! then it was lunch time and went to eat at an italian restaurant in Simi Valley. I had eggplant parmigiana...I had heard that eggplant can cause labor so since I was already in labor I thought I might help the situation.
After lunch we headed home, I continued to labor and laid in bed and moved around and took a bath. Which actually slowed down the contractions. However it had been more that an hour that my contractions were 5-7 minutes lasting for about a minute so your daddy was convinced it was time for the hospital. I tried to drag it out as much as possible but in the end everything was packed in the car and we were ready to go. Your papou, giagia and thia followed us to the hospital. Once at the hospital in the triage they checked to see that you were ok and that was clear and they checked me and if I remember well I was 3 cm. They told me to go home...but noone felt comfortable driving home knowing there was a chance we were going to be back within a few hours so we decided to look for a motel. Then I realized I just couldn't do it and thought that the hospital would be better than the motel. At that time I had started to lose my rhythm and my panic caused the pain to be amplified. So back to the hospital we went and I got admitted.
Standing was so much easier to deal with the pain but they had me laying down for a lot of the time so at those times it was hard. Once I was able to stand I would celebrate! After 16 hours had passed with no real progress they wanted to give me pitocin that would increase the contractions and their intensity. Because I had not slept all night and I wanted to be awake when I met you I decided to get an epidural since we did not know how much longer our journey was going to be. The doctor came and broke my water first and when that did not do anything they gave me the pitocin. It was 10 more hours after increasing the pitocin several times that I was finally dilated to 10 cm and was able to push. Your daddy was right there along side me telling me to push...telling you to push...and push you did :o) You kicked me so hard one time that I vomited :o) At the time I was blaming the nurse to Stephen that she was pushing me too hard! I was nice though I only said to your daddy that I did not want that nurse to touch me again! I do not know how the time went by, usually in hospital at this period of time they do not let women push more than 2 hours but our doctor would let me push for three hours...however because after 2 1/2 hours there was no progress they told us that it was best to go in for a c-section. So they prepared me and your daddy for the surgery. I must have fallen asleep because I do not remember getting to the surgery room but once I was there I waited and waited until I finally heard your cry! And the doctor said that you were a girl!!! That was so exciting for me!!! I wanted to have a girl so bad :o) After they cleaned you up daddy brought you close so i could see you and then he took you outside to announce your name to the family "Gabriela Zoe" which means God is my Strength and Life...so true!
God was your strength and your life as well as mine and under any other circumstances you and I may not have survived this ordeal. I had a 105 fever and the cord was wrapped around your neck 3 times. But here we are both of us healthy and strong with a chance to live the lives that God has so graciously given us. You are a little miracle and we cannot wait to see you discover all the gifts God has given you and how you are going to be used for His glory. You are also a precious gift...God was thinking of daddy and mommy when he made you. We love you very much and a verse that stuck with us during this season is that "Those who sow in tears will reap in joy" You have brought so much joy in our lives we did not even know it was possible! This is you and your story of how you came from mommy's tummy into this world.

Ugly Truths

This blog may take a while to write even though I am going on two points. Both of the things I am going to talk about were provoked by two different blogs that I read in the past couple of days.
The first one is related to hardship...I have not gone through a tremendous amount of hardship in my life and for that I praise God. The closest I ever came to hardship was the dealing with of difficult feelings I've had following the delivery of my precious daughter. I wrote in a previous entry of my hopes and dreams of that day. Quite frankly only the most important thing came out the way I had dreamed and hoped for a healthy baby girl. Now it even feels silly to write that I had difficult feelings after experiencing such a miracle and the sovereignty of our Lord. But yes, I had them and I still cry when I talk, or write about it. In a recent conversation with someone who had gone through a similar experience she struggled with similar feelings for almost two years, and I believe the end of it coincided with the birth of a second child. The writer of the blog I read was going through a difficult circumstance and ended up saying that probably God is just smiling because he can see the end. While I understand the hope in that statement it hit me hard. There is not one ounce of me that thinks there is anything funny about the dealing of the feelings I've had. It has been hard work of letting go in order to allow for God's joy to come. While I believe that God has a sense of humor, I just know that even though he knows the end is good, He cried/cries with me when I cry, and knows my pain intimately. He does not look at me in my pain and smile, He is the embodiment of the verse that encourages us believers to weep with those who weep and laugh with those who laugh. His responses are not out of order or programmed but rather sensitive to the needs of His children. I thank him for that and I have a hope that one day I will look back and only remember good things.
That brings me to another blog entry that was so beautiful in describing the birth of her child. It was painfully familiar to what I had imagined the labor and delievery to be. I wished I could write about my birth story...but I can't. If I wrote it now I am not sure I would want my daughter to read it. But I will start writting with the same hope...one day I will be able to say the story remembering only the good things...and there were many!!!!
If you are hurting there is hope, take it from me every day can be a better day when we cling on Jesus!

To fear or not to fear

Last night Gabriela Zoe woke up around 10:20 or so crying...I am used to her waking up, crying a little and going back to sleep so I did not move immediately. Actually, i went up to my husband to discuss our 'battle plan' and get the ok to give her another dose of the inhaler. Hearing the the crying was not getting any softer I headed to her room to see...the light on! At that moment I flashed back a few hours earlier when we had Gabriela Zoe downstairs in her carseat taking a nap and I went in her room to talk to Stephen on the phone so I don't disturb her. After Stephen and I hang up I closed my eyes momentarily and the it happened...the light turned on! (Stephen caringly installed a remote control for one of the lights in her bedroom, in our past experience this remote picks up other signals also which causes the light to turn off or on randomly) It startled me, and I sat there staring at it and then had the thought that we needed to remove the remote so it does not do that to Gabriela Zoe. A few minutes later I woke up Gabriela Zoe, dinner, bath, medicin (an added thing in our routine) and I forgot about the light...until then! i run to her bedroom because I knew she had been startled awake and that caused fear! I held her, prayed, spoke and sung to her. Following my mom's advice I held her for 15 minutes, and she had started to dose off again and placed her in bed. All was good :o)
That started me thinking on fear though...a young baby that does not really know about the evil in the world is afraid!! How easily we are to fear anything...I did not know this but I had the fear of men (not the gender more the biblical meaning of mankind). I was afraid what people would think of me, I grew up that way. Even though my mom and dad did their best to protect my sister and I from ill given comments about us still I felt the pressure that what I did was being watched and judged. That kind of pressure can turn into two different directions...fear or defiance. There were times that I acted in defiance...I'll do what I believe is rights and if the don't like it well...too bad. However, most of the time I just hid into my own coccun and did not let people come in. I have since learned that while it is important to have peace with the decisions I make upon seeking the Lord I have to keep in mind what Paul said: to the Jews I am a Jew...to the Gentiles a Gentile. Woe to the one who makes his brother stumble. At the same time there is not reason to hide and keep everyone at a distance. If they are true friends they will understand or seek conversation on the matter, if they want to judge they will judge anything even things I did not do.
The severity of that fear hit me a little bit over two years ago, when I decided to change voice teachers. My husband knows the many many times of crying I did because I did not feel like my voice teacher was tackling things I knew needed to change. His advice: why don't you change teachers? So simple in his head...why did I not change teachers? I found out when I made the choice to try a different one for a little while. I was terrified when I went to tell that teacher...after i walked out of the office I was shaking! A few days afterward I started feeling a sense of freedom...I may not have experienced from the time I was a little child! The lesson from that experience has tricked down to other relationships...it is hard when you know that some relationships may not be the same, that previous voice teacher would no longer acknowlede a smile and hello, but the ones that stand the test are trully worth it! But most importatly a life without the fear of men, that I strive for, is a great life :o)

Like or Love?

I grew up in Greece and my first language is Greek! When I first came to America I kept hearing "I love" this and "I love" that. I could not figure out why people would use the word love for things. In Greek love is reserved for people and it is serious! My now husband Stephen when we first met working in the school cafeteria he asked me how to say "I love you"...once I taught him he kept saying it to me. I had started to like him at some point but still had the clarity of mind to know that he did not mean it, he was just having fun speaking Greek. So I said "I don't know how you do things here in America but in Greece when one says 'I love you" they mean it. So please do not say it to me again unless you mean it" Three years later he said it again...and he meant it :o)
Well that's not the point people here also use the word for things. I love pizza? I love eating? I love snowboarding? I love singing? I love cooking? So weird!!!!!
I have been thinking that I have adopted that kind of speech and I now think that I do not want to diminish the word 'love' anymore. I'll try to stay true to myself and use like...or extremely like to describe something I enjoy. But I do love YOU! God bless you,

What Can I Handle?

When I was pregnant I was a little worried about the whole labor and delivery process. I was praying and asking the Lord to help me, and there were times I felt confident God would be right there helping me. Then I started being delusional in a sense because I thought that it would be like I prayed fast, easy with no complications. My wise father told me every time I told him to pray for the blessed day "God will not allow for anything more than you can handle" Well that phrase strengthened my delusion.
When the labor and delivery ended up being 32 hours with a 105 fever and a c-section, I wondered why God did give me more than I could handle. The truth is I could handle a lot more than I thought!!! Not only that but He was with us every step of the way (it was not any easier for Stephen watching his wife going through all the trouble).
Just about a half hour ago I was sitting watching my daughter play in her room, she is able to stand and push light objects and walk behind them. I know she can do that, and I also know that she has perfected the art of "bottom landing" so when this morning I saw her getting unstable I put my hand out to catch her if it was more than she was able to handle.
I felt the Holy Spirit giving me a picture from God's perspective on that day. He was watching so closely our every move and I do not know at what point He put out His hand to help me but I do know that we got our healthy and strong little girl and my c-section healed so well...people were surprised to see me walking around a week after I gave birth!
God did not allow me to reach breaking point but He knew what I could handle and was right there to pick me up when the going was getting too hard. Praise Him always!

Thanksgiving Lesson Learned

I really really...really enjoy cooking! I can be up on my feet for hours cooking and it does not bother me, well until I get to bed and feel sooo exhausted. I have been cooking from the time I think 8 or 9 years old, when my 'babysiter' Maria (feel free to correct my dates if I am wrong) gave me as a present a children's cookbook from Unisef that contained recipes from countries all over the world. I believe that my next birthday included international food from that book...and the older I got the more I centered my menu around those recipes. Well the nights before my birthday parties through the years I was just FREAKING out because I had so much to do and so little time. Those nights would end in the wee hours of the night and many times in tears. My mother would always ask me 'why do you do new things when we have people come over?" I DON'T KNOW but 20 years later it still thrills me! (By the way everything would turn out awesome with everyone full and satisfied)
This year I did Thanksgiving with a twist...green beans? yes but greek style, creamed spinach? yes with cheese enfoled in a pie, spanakopita as we say in Greece. turkey and stuffing? yes again Greek style like we make it for Christmas. sweet potatoes? yes, the yellow kind (favorite) not with marshmallows but with apples. pumpkin pie? yes but in the form of cheesecake :0) I am pretty sure by now you get the picture!
I had prepared almost everything and placed it in the freezer. The only thing I had to do was the turkey, stuffing and spanakopita. The stuffing and spanakopita were easy and fast to make. The turkey and gravy were a different story. The turkey had a beautiful color and when I put the thermometer in it said 180 degrees but when we cut it there was so much pink to my perfectionist dismay! Nobody said anything but I had learned something that had nothing to do with pink in the turkey,
Back up about 6 hours prior to the dinner being served when my in-laws first arrived I was on edge...and I kept being jumpy throught the evening...little things would just send me on a whirlwind! Even though by the time the rest of our company arrived I had managed to internalize the frustruation, it was not fun being me! It was not that I was not enjoying what I was doing but I had put so much pressure on myself to serve dinner on time...and as the clock was ticking the more anxious I got because I knew I would not hit my deadline. So what did you learn? you may ask.
Everything....EVERYTHING even the turkey has to be cooked before the blessed day arrives and then EVERYONE will be happy :0) and relaxed...including the cook.

yukies up your nose

When we got back from Greece I had a cold and decided that it was not good to be alone suffering...so I gave it to Gabriela Zoe and Stephen. We are all done with our colds but there is still buggers up our nose. I am having such a hard time cleaning out Gabriela Zoe's nose it is beyond me. I have to literally pin her down to be able to get them out and every time I pray to God to help me because no matter how hard I try she moves and screams so much I do not get to all of it. Plus I heard that I can hurt her little capillaries with the nose suck thing (since I am a chronic nose bleeder, I don't want my daughter to have sensitivity to that also). I have to clean her nose because for one it bothers her when she is sleeping and nursing and secondly if I leave them in there that could cause an infection and then things would be worse. Since I have been doing that every day, several times a day for the past 2-3 weeks I have started to have thoughts on it. How much like us is little Gabriela Zoe, we will hold on to things that are not good, actually even bothersome to us sometimes, just because the process of removing those things is painful or uncomfortable. Then if we do not let God remove those things they can become an infection in our lives that will take long to heal. I pray that I let God take the yukies out of my nose when I need it and not freak out...because me...unlike my sweet baby, I am an adult and I know that God wants the best for me. Thus my thoughts on this issue...by the way do you know of a good way to clean the nose that might be more pleasant for my daughter?