To fear or not to fear

Last night Gabriela Zoe woke up around 10:20 or so crying...I am used to her waking up, crying a little and going back to sleep so I did not move immediately. Actually, i went up to my husband to discuss our 'battle plan' and get the ok to give her another dose of the inhaler. Hearing the the crying was not getting any softer I headed to her room to see...the light on! At that moment I flashed back a few hours earlier when we had Gabriela Zoe downstairs in her carseat taking a nap and I went in her room to talk to Stephen on the phone so I don't disturb her. After Stephen and I hang up I closed my eyes momentarily and the it happened...the light turned on! (Stephen caringly installed a remote control for one of the lights in her bedroom, in our past experience this remote picks up other signals also which causes the light to turn off or on randomly) It startled me, and I sat there staring at it and then had the thought that we needed to remove the remote so it does not do that to Gabriela Zoe. A few minutes later I woke up Gabriela Zoe, dinner, bath, medicin (an added thing in our routine) and I forgot about the light...until then! i run to her bedroom because I knew she had been startled awake and that caused fear! I held her, prayed, spoke and sung to her. Following my mom's advice I held her for 15 minutes, and she had started to dose off again and placed her in bed. All was good :o)
That started me thinking on fear though...a young baby that does not really know about the evil in the world is afraid!! How easily we are to fear anything...I did not know this but I had the fear of men (not the gender more the biblical meaning of mankind). I was afraid what people would think of me, I grew up that way. Even though my mom and dad did their best to protect my sister and I from ill given comments about us still I felt the pressure that what I did was being watched and judged. That kind of pressure can turn into two different directions...fear or defiance. There were times that I acted in defiance...I'll do what I believe is rights and if the don't like it well...too bad. However, most of the time I just hid into my own coccun and did not let people come in. I have since learned that while it is important to have peace with the decisions I make upon seeking the Lord I have to keep in mind what Paul said: to the Jews I am a Jew...to the Gentiles a Gentile. Woe to the one who makes his brother stumble. At the same time there is not reason to hide and keep everyone at a distance. If they are true friends they will understand or seek conversation on the matter, if they want to judge they will judge anything even things I did not do.
The severity of that fear hit me a little bit over two years ago, when I decided to change voice teachers. My husband knows the many many times of crying I did because I did not feel like my voice teacher was tackling things I knew needed to change. His advice: why don't you change teachers? So simple in his head...why did I not change teachers? I found out when I made the choice to try a different one for a little while. I was terrified when I went to tell that teacher...after i walked out of the office I was shaking! A few days afterward I started feeling a sense of freedom...I may not have experienced from the time I was a little child! The lesson from that experience has tricked down to other relationships...it is hard when you know that some relationships may not be the same, that previous voice teacher would no longer acknowlede a smile and hello, but the ones that stand the test are trully worth it! But most importatly a life without the fear of men, that I strive for, is a great life :o)